Giving Thanks

Well, I had planned on waiting a couple days before blogging about the journey and my feelings on the whole matter. I wanted to be sure everyone had a chance to see the slideshow, but after the beautiful comments, messages, emails, and even blog posts I woke up to this morning, I realize that this just can’t wait. Now that I’ve started, I don’t even know where to begin.
January 8, 2010, just less than a year ago, I posted my annual “I’m back” post (cause we all know I’m not great at keeping up with the blog during the holidays). This was a very different post. A post about why my answer to “Do you have kids?” was always an awkward “no”, followed by some generic explanation like “we’re trying” (which inevitably lead to every kind of tip you can imagine), “one day”, etc. etc. It was a very sad post for me to write. We had so much hope until that point. I tried to be positive and you can see hints of hope in my writing, but deep down I had already started giving in to the fact that I may never be a mother. After almost grieving the loss of a dream, fight mode kicked in. I should actually say that our faith kicked back in, but I always had in the back of my mind that it may never happen. We had been told that our best option was going to be a surrogate. After exploring that and gaining a new best friend, but ultimately realizing it wasn’t the best option for us, we decided that no matter how slim the chances were, we were going to give IVF a chance. We decided if it didn’t work, we were moving on and going to live the best life we could live and take tons of amazing vacations that all our friends with kids would be jealous of. I have to say that we dragged our feet a little bit about actually going for an IVF consultation, but when we did, it all happened so fast after that. We decided to plan plan plan, then God said no no no. We picked the perfect time of year to get everything started and quickly realized (after a small procedure) that our plans just weren’t going to work. If we were going to do IVF, this was the time we were going to do it. So, we went for our calendar planning appointment thinking it would be happening in a month. We receive a calendar that starts the very next week. I thought I would pass out. I seriously freaked. I think the conversation went something like, “So, we’re starting this thing pretty soon, huh?” “Yeah, like next week.” Everything happened so quickly. I can’t say the IVF process was a joy, but I can say it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. This girl, who’s always been terrified of shots, gave herself a shot every day for two weeks. The most uncomfortable part, but the best part, was that I all of a sudden became fertile myrtle and produced over 20 eggs. This is when we became known as the “over achievers”.

December 2009 we almost lost hope. December 2010 we found out that our dream was coming true. It was truly the happiest day of my life. I literally jumped out of my seat. I hugged most of the people in the office. I cried. A lot. We sat in our car, in the parking garage, calling everyone. We started with our parents and went from there. We waited to tell most people, just in case. I honestly wish I could give news like that every single day. We have all waited so long and it’s been such a tough journey. Even when we were losing hope, we had faith that God had a plan. We would learn to accept that plan no matter what it was. We are so thrilled with what His plan was and wouldn’t change one part of it. You read that right, not one part of it.

I know, for a fact, with my whole heart, that we would not be here if it weren’t for the prayers. We had friends, family, friends of friends and family, complete strangers, people who will probably never meet us, and even even churches, praying for us. We were in aw and completely amazed every time we heard about another person or group who were praying. I don’t know how to begin to thank these people, not to mention how to thank God. All I can do is say thank you. You will never know how much we truly, whole heartily, appreciate each of you and each of your prayers. You, God, and our wonderful dr’s, have given us the most amazing gift and I ask for your continued prayers for a healthy pregnancy, delivery, and baby. I want to specifically thank a couple people. First someone who started the year as a very loved client. One who I definitely felt a connection to. She ended the year as one of my best friends. Someone I always immediately texted after our Dr’s appointment. She gave us so much from the forever long conversations about the “big decision”, to her many prayers, to her blog post asking for prayers and receiving many, to her continued love and support, and finally her beautiful blog post last night. I will never be able to thank her and her beautiful family for everything they have given us. Thank you Dawn, Brandon, even Jackson & Carson and Momma Fesmier. I love you dearly and can’t wait to share our families journeys through out the years.

The second person, well, I just don’t even know what to say. I could do an entire post on this and probably should/will one day. She said it best…”If you have a best friend in the world that you really feel like is your family…If you have a best friend who you would do nearly anything in the world for… If you have a best friend who you know would do nearly anything in the world for you…then you will understand why this post is so special to me.” Since we were in elementary school, she has been someone I’ve looked up to (although then it was because she had the cool ribbon belt and all the cute boyfriends). When we eventually became best friends, I knew there was much more to her then an awesome fashion sense and taste in guys. She has been there for me through everything since Senior year of high school. She said that God broke the mold with me, but what she doesn’t realize (or at least acknowledge) is that I only wish to be half of the woman, mom, and friend that she is. I continue to look up to her and always will. I cry every time I think about the amazing blog post she made last night. I could thank her every day for the rest of my life for all that she has given us, but it would not be enough. Andrea I love you, I love Brad, and I love Bailey and Jake like they were my own.

Oh gosh…now I want to do a paragraph on everyone I have to thank. Bret…our sisters…our parents…rest of our families. Since this blog is so long and I’ve probably already lost most of you, I will wait to do that in a different way.

We are overwhelmed, literally, with your love and support. Thank you for coming along on our journey. I promise to get back to your regularly scheduled program soon 🙂 With lots of clients, 2011 calendar, and all the other exciting things 2011 holds.

xoxo and so much love,

Cilla (& Bret sending his love)